M. (deidiluculi) wrote in thegift,

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meditation cures the hatin'

I think that this community is a really good idea. I've been watching and waiting for someone to say something in here but no one has and I've been a member for a couple weeks now. So I thought I'd share some random thoughts...

Lately I've been trying to make every decision with the theory that "Everything Happens for a Reason" in the back of my head. It makes things a lot easier and better it seems. I've spent so many years not comprehending the reaction to my actions. I'm trying to become more aware, of everything. 
I've also had this deep desire to learn and grow. I feel like I need to give my all to something, I just don't know what so much. Except my daughter, but it is a given that I will always give my all to her. 
I just feel like... I'm here for a reason. And this is the beginning of my road to that reason, even though I've been here for 20 years and feel like I'm kind of just starting out right now.

I also feel like I ramble a lot and no one listens or understands... like everyone is always just nodding their heads at me like "Oh, it's ok that's just Melissa..."
I can't really talk very well. I think it's always been this way but I just have been realizing it lately. But I don't know if it really has or if its just all of the days of drugs and drinking of the past few years catching up with my brain. I feel like I thinkw ay too much about the bigger things in life. I get lost in my mind when I'm in a normal conversation. All of these questions, I don't think that there is an answer to the universe. I think that we were put here to never know why. What would we do if we knew? Think "Oh wow, now where did I put that credit card bill?" 

I feel like we need a revolution. I know for a fact that other people feel this way. Or not necessarily like we need a revolution but that 'something' is going to happen. Anyone else feel this way or heard anyone talking like this? 
Is it the talk of the crazies? 
Or the talk of evolution?

yeah, so I'm Melissa. 
And this is my mind.
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